dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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