Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
either way he was missing a nipple.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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