i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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