I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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