I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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