He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
