if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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