so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
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I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
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There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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