Got a toothbrush?
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
Love having children with random chicks
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it