Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.