Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
