um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I want you more than these girls want KFC
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
