I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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