I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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