Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
