I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
