so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
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I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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