Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
