He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
