**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
