Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
