I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We need to rekindle our bromance
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
