If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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