After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
