wrigley field is MILF paradise
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
two words: eviction party
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
