I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
