I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
