And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
