Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
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And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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