Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
