so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
