Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I did not marry a roomba.
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