I am spending my child support on dildos
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
