If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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