Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
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