Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
