you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
