Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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