If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
