Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
