I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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