Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
