I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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