that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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