It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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