hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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