By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
vagina is talking i cant
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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