Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
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then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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