he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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