So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
