...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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