Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
