is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This is classic penis vs brain.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
