Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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