yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
