Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
