I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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