Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
