I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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