ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
