I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Green mimosas i think yes
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
