You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
